In the Green Room by Eleanor OKeeffe
Word Count: 3500 words
Critique Date: 7 October 2026, Online
Author Email: el************@**.com
Content warnings:
None
Author Notes:
These are beginning sections of a very early draft of what I’m thinking (now) may end up as a novelette (c. 10,000 words?) so I’m mainly looking for a general sense check on the premise and narrative voice.
When I first imagined this, it was a Janet Malcolm-style New Yorker piece; someone who was not only an investigative reporter, but a narrator attentive to all the psychodramas that arise within our most carefully designed rules and systems.
The difficulty I have is that I am, obviously, not Janet Malcolm. 🙁
This is very annoying and sad for me.
So am worried the prose comes across a bit “try hard”. I also find it difficult not to give in to a more sardonic tone. I’d particularly value reactions to:
- The subject/premise: does this feel interesting at all? I mean – I find it really interesting, but admit its niche. Am I being pushed along too much by an idea, rather than the characters and what the story wants to do?
- The voice and style: does the journalistic perspective work? Where does it feel engaging, and where does it tip into clunky, mannered or overly knowing? (I feel that too much of it is the latter, although I think I can rewrite it out.)
- The narrative: I’m still working out the plot. I’ve changed my mind a bit, which is why some bits of it seem disjoined. I know broadly where the story ends, but not yet exactly how I’m going to get there. Does the material currently feel as though it has narrative momentum and “legs”? Would you want to read further?
- Suggestions for improvements most welcome!
Because it’s such an early draft, I just wanted to put my toe in the water to see whether it’s worth pursuing and get some pointers for development. Thank you.
Notes to organisers:
Autistic – ask a lot of follow up/clarification questions. Probably better online.
Submitted: 1 September 2026
Last updated: 26 September 2026 at 12:03 by Richard Yu